It can drive you crazy! Why are they treating you like you have no brain or sense of responsibility!? And the worst culprit is…
C is for Compassion
Honouring your child self
I want to start by saying that, inside of you, you have the resources of all the ages you’ve ever been; if you have small children in your life then you can bring out your 4,5,6,or 7 year old self to be wild, muddy and reckless, what fun!!
(There’s a problem when your socially awkward 13 year old self thinks they’re the one who has to do your work presentation, but that’s for another day).
I often talk about OPN, Other People’s Nonsense that is NMS ‘Not My Stuff’. It’s really important not to go around worrying about someone else’s negative view of you.
When other people treat you like a child, it’s curious thing that can lead to frustration, even anger. But it says more about them than it does about you.
My mum told me that she never calls or texts me when she knows I’m speaking at a conference or running a workshop. I told her it’s fine to text or leave a voice mail and she replied that she worries I’ll have forgotten to switch off my phone and I’ll look all unprofessional when my phone disturbs the event.
Now, my mum may have reason to expect me to make a mistake once in a while, after all, she’s helped me to fix a lot of them! But, even if they have reason to doubt your competence, how does it make you feel when someone is already convinced you’ll get it wrong, or be irresponsible, daft or reckless?
The consequences of these negative expectations are varied:
- You feel annoyed, angry, upset
- You trigger stress hormones and find it hard to be your best self
- You flip into the behaviour of that age and act and feel accordingly
- You lose faith in yourself and worry about being enough
- You try so hard to prove them wrong you go over the top and make a mistake or exhaust yourself
- Insert others here!
So maybe it’s a good idea to avoid this? You think?
Who’s the worst culprit?
Now we come on to the million dollar question:
Who is the worst culprit for holding on to old notions of you, remembering old failures, fears and foibles?
If you know me at all, you’ve probably already guessed the answer.
Sorry to say, the worst culprit is likely to be you, inside your head.
Maybe you do this once in a while, or perhaps on a regular basis!
If you can start to notice those little tongue tuts, teeth sucks, face palms and grunts that you do in response to yourself. If you can start to change those ‘oh trust me’ and ‘that’s blooming typical of me to get that wrong’ kind of reactions or expectations.
If instead you can allow yourself to recognise how far you have come and what new behaviours and skills you now possess. If you can recognise your fabulous self as the age you now are with all the fabulous things that make you, you.
IF you can let go of all past mistakes (which were only learning opportunities anyway) THEN you step into your adult self with pride and confidence.
And THEN you’re able to bring your best offerings to each day and to celebrate your success. You’re already fabulous.
Notice When and Change the Script
Notice when you are stuck in old opinions of yourself and change the script. Just as (I hope) you would let someone else move on from their past, to learn and to grow and to be recognised for more recent endeavours, allow yourself the same.
You can start right now by noticing what you’ve already achieved today. Create a positive, UP TO DATE version of your progress in life. Keep going, the more you recognise how you’ve grown, the more ‘enough’ you’ll realise you are and the more energy and positivity you’ll find you have each day.
And save your smaller, younger, reckless self for those days when you just need to play 🙂