When You Wear A Shoe That Doesn’t Fit


Originally published August 12th 2019

You’ll get sore feet or fall over. The same principle applies if you’re doing something just because other people think you ‘should’

At the bank

I went with my mum to sort out her pin number at the bank. We ended up sorting a few things while we were there and the bank teller, Sue, also told us what we needed to do to sort out my dad’s account.
My mum’s village branch closed down a few years ago. We were really sad, all the staff knew mum and dad and rang my mum when my dad’s Alzheimer’s had him trying to empty all the money out – in cash. The village bank staff always went the extra mile, and prevented a number of disasters.
The post office started to accept the bank’s customers, but then it exploded!

Choosing what fits

So, now my mum goes to the commercial branch because she can park outside, even without her blue badge.
Despite it being a business bank, Mum likes it there.
Later on that day, Sue the teller, rang me about an appointment for my mum and suggested, if Mum wanted to, she could go to the main branch in town, where there were more staff, private areas to discuss sensitive issues like death certificates and she was less likely to have to wait.
There’s only one counter at the commercial branch and that’s where you have to conduct all your business, in front of everyone in the queue.

That’s the one for me

Of course it makes more sense to go to a bigger branch with more staff and some privacy. But what really matters to my mum?
We noticed in the short time we were in the commercial bank, that every single person had a cheery greeting for Sue, and a friendly chat while they conducted their business. She knew everyone, and treated them all professionally but with care.
She made me and mum feel like we were the only people in the building, despite the queue, as she advised us, gently, what to do next about dad.


It’s not just the parking that will encourage mum back to that branch, it’s the feeling. A sense of getting what she needs in a way that feels right.
It might not be logical, sensible or make sense to someone else when she could seemingly get ‘better’ service in town.

You choose

How many times do you do something because it makes sense, or other people do it that way, or someone is telling you what’s best?
Sometimes people do a job for years that really doesn’t suit them, just because someone suggested it would suit them.
Sometimes we carry on doing something because it used to be ok but things have changed and now it doesn’t suit us anymore.
I took a six-man tent for a four day holiday, just for me. It made no sense, it was more than I needed. It was a bit of a monster to put up (to move across the field whilst erect lol!) and take down again. But it made me happy to feel like I’d got a little house away from home. It suited me fine.

Rob’s Gran

I saw my lovely friend Rob the other day and he was telling me about his Gran moving to a care home. People assumed she’d be upset about losing her independence but actually she was excited about enjoying being around other people. Sometimes we want something others don’t understand. Rob’s Gran is looking forward to socialising and feeling in the middle of things again, after living alone for many years. (Thanks for permission to use that story, Rob, a perfect example!)

What suits you?

Are you still wearing shoes that don’t fit, or repeating habits that don’t make you feel good?

Let’s take a little time to notice some of those moments when we have a sense of what we want and might have just gone along with ‘logic’ instead of what we need most.

Have fun noticing, and making a choice that suits you,
Love, always,
Pam x

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