Is this the most lied to question ever?

You might have lied to this question at one time or another, with the very best of intentions and a whole host of good reasons for telling the lie. What’s the question?

How are you?

and the lie?

“I’m fine!”


Is it ok to lie?

Yes of course there are situations where it’s entirely appropriate to tell this little lie. After all, you don’t want to start telling the supermarket check-out person about your sore bum. But when you’re saying you’re fine when you’re not, to people who genuinely care and want to help if there’s a problem, you might want to consider telling the truth a little more often.


It leads to problems when you…

  • even tell yourself you’re fine (when you need to rest, heal, change or stop)
  • start to believe you’re fine when you’re not
  • keep pulling out all the stops to pretend you’re ok
  • ignore how you really feel
  • use medicines, food, alcohol to cover how you really feel
  • stop looking after yourself
  • don’t let people help or support you


Telling the truth

So, we’re not about to tell the train conductor that our eczema is weeping or tell the chief exec that we woke in the night 4 times. When a potential new corporate customer rang me last week and started the call with “How are you?” I was experiencing various aches and pains and my own menopausal ‘personal summer’ just before I picked up the phone. Of course I answered that everything was great my end! The point here is that whilst we might say “I’m fine!” when we’re not, so long as you are consciously aware of what is true for you. And it might help if you ask yourself the answer to a question that, in my opinion, is one of the most important questions ever…


What’s that?

What’s the question? Here it is…

“What’s the right thing right  now?”

Ask yourself this question a few time today and see if it makes a difference to how conscious you are of what you need and how you might improve your well-being. It’s a simple habit, based on tuning in to your own truth, rather than the “I’m fine” fib that we tell everyone else.


Let’s try a balance

I’m going to try this too…to find a better balance. Not ‘fessing up to all and sundry about what I have stuck in my teeth, the headache brewing behind my eyes, that funny mole that’s bound to be galloping dogrot…but I’m pledging to be better at doing something other than carrying on regardless. And when someone asks me that easy, habitual,  polite and so familiar question “How are you?” and I know this is someone who actually does want the real answer, I’m going to tell them how I feel and maybe even allow them to help if they want to. Will you be doing that too?

Health and Safety Warning: Remember, it’s about balance so let’s not tip the other way and moan the whole time instead!


Bear in mind that whatever is going on for you, even the really tough stuff, especially the really tough stuff,  you’re always a precious soul, worthy of consideration and care. And if no-one is checking in with you to see how you are, I am.

And I’m sending you smiles 🙂 🙂 🙂  and a hug:  (((((YOU))))

There really are people ready to listen, and to care, if you let them know when you aren’t fine really.

With all my love,

Pam x

PS For the record, right now, I am fine. No, really! 😉







6 responses to “Is this the most lied to question ever?”

  1. Debbie says:

    I needed this today thank you

  2. Jane says:

    Hi Pam, half term and I cannot believe how much sleep I need. So no I’m not totally fine after an Ofsted. Sleep is fixing me and pj days. Bliss.
    Looking forward to seeing you a week on Friday at Heads Count

  3. Sally Roseby says:

    Excellent timing Pam – lifes busy as a single mum with never enough money!! and works really busy at the moment not assisted by hiccups by the IT department but I keep smiling (or maybe it really is a grimace lol) on the plus side I was taken out for a lovely lunch yesterday so on a positive note everything will be fine – thank you for taking the time to make us all sit back and take a check on our lives xx

  4. Paul says:

    Thanks, this came at the right time, definitely a 2/10 today…

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